Dirty Baller: A Secret Baby Sports Romance Page 13

  I don’t correct him on the wife part.

  “Hayley, I’m sorry,” I say, holding her hand as they wheel her down the corridor. I’m not leaving her for anything. “You’ve been here all night and I should have been with you.”

  “You didn’t know,” she says. She’s crying. “I’m so sorry about the article.”

  “Don’t be. I read it. I loved it. I know you must have risked a lot to write that instead of what your boss wanted,” I say.

  We make it to the surgical ward.

  The nurse looks at Hayley. “Do you want your husband in the room with you for the delivery?”

  Hayley squeezes my hand. “Yes.”

  “Sir, you’ll need to scrub in and put on a gown and a mask. The nurse over there will help you.”

  I let go of Hayley’s hand. “I’ll be right there in a minute. Don’t start without me!”

  Hayley lets out a weak laugh. She’s pale and sweaty, which worries me more than anything. “I’ll try my best, Ryan.”

  Hearing her say my name is the best sound in the world.

  I scrub in as fast as I can, taking the instructions from the nurse and speeding them up into double time. I burst through the operating theater doors and rush over to Hayley. They’ve got a blue paper curtain bisecting her body.

  “Hey,” she whispers to me. “I think they’ve started.”

  I grab her hand and peer over the curtain. “They did.”

  “I tried to get them to wait,” she says.

  “Don’t talk, just focus on me, alright?” I say to her as her heart monitor starts racing.

  “I’m scared, Ryan,” she says quietly.

  They put a surgical cap on her head, but it can’t contain all of her gorgeous auburn locks. A stray curl falls across her sweaty head. I push it back with a gloved hand. “I’m here. You don’t need to be scared. We’re here together. That’s all that matters.”

  I glance over the curtain and see a foot. “Oh my God, Hayley,” I say.

  “What?” she says, panicking.

  “I see the foot. I see the foot.”

  Hayley bursts into tears. Then they pull out our child and a tiny cry comes out of her mouth.

  “It’s a girl!” I say.

  “Is she beautiful?”

  I look again. “She looks just like her mother. So of course she’s beautiful.”

  I try to keep my face even as I see the neonatal unit rush around attending to our daughter.

  Daughter.

  I have a daughter.

  I’m somebody’s father.

  “Hayley,” I say, turning back to her. “They’ve got her taken care of. She’s in good hands.”

  She nods. “Good.” She pauses. “Promise me something, Ryan.”

  “Anything in the world for you,” I reply.

  “Don’t leave us,” she says.

  I have a sudden surge of inspiration course through my body. I get down on one knee. “Hayley Childs, will you marry me?”

  Hayley starts sobbing and pulls her IV arm up to her mouth. “Yes, yes!” she says.

  I hug her as the operating room rushes around the two of us. We kiss and it’s the best thing in the entire world.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  HAYLEY

  “I don’t want gelatin, I want to see my baby,” I say to the nurse who is insisting I eat something.

  She nods at me. “I understand, Ms. Childs. The doctor wants you to eat something before we take you down to the neonatal intensive care unit to see her.”

  I wait for the nurse to leave and I look at Ryan. “Do something.”

  He looks at me seriously. “Give me three minutes.” He stands up and leaves the room.

  He returns in under thirty seconds with a wheelchair.

  “That was easy!” I exclaim, throwing the blankets off my legs. I try to push myself upright but Ryan flies across the room to stop me.

  “No, no, no. I don’t think so. Let me help you. You’ve got a six-inch incision going vertically down your abdomen. You need to not move as much as you can, okay?”

  “It’s not that bad,” I say stubbornly.

  Ryan laughs. “If I could bring the baby to you I would. That’s how bad your incision is. I saw you cut open. It was like something out of Alien.”

  I chuckle and immediately stop from the sharp pain radiating through my body. “Oof,” I say.

  “Told you so, Hayley.”

  I glare at him in mock frustration. “You’re right. You win.”

  Ryan reaches underneath me carefully and lifts me out of the bed. I feel a few twinges of pain but I don’t say anything. Ryan’s strong touch makes up for it and I don’t want him to put me down. I’m seeing my baby.

  No matter what.

  Ryan gently places me in the wheelchair and pushes me out into the hallway. “If anyone asks what we’re doing, we’re making a run for it and not answering, okay?”

  “Roger roger,” I say back jokingly. I tuck the blanket more closely around my legs as Ryan rolls me down the nearly-empty hallways. It’s past visiting hours, clearly.

  We follow the signs to the NICU. Each foot closer my heart pounds more loudly.

  Finally, we make it to the glass windows. Babies the size of my hand wiggle behind hard plastic enclosures, safe from germs or any worldly harm. I push myself up in the wheelchair so I can see better but Ryan pushes me down gently.

  “You don’t need to get up. She’s right over there.” He points at a baby in the second row. I see her pink cheeks and her impossibly tiny hands curled up against her chest. There are so many tubes and wires going in and out of her I nearly start crying in anguish.

  “She looks strong,” I whisper.

  Ryan squeezes my shoulder. “Of course she is. She’s got you as a mum.”

  Those words do it. They send me over the emotional precipice I’ve been hanging onto all day. I cry. I sob, actually. And bawl. And sniffle. Ryan gets down on his knees and pulls me into his embrace.

  “She’s going to be fine. The doctors know it. They say she had just enough time. If it was going to happen, this was the time to do it.” Ryan kisses the top of my head and strokes my hair back. “She just couldn’t wait to meet you, that’s all.”

  I laugh and rub my nose against my gown. I’ve left tears all over Ryan’s polo. “I’m a mess,” I say apologetically.

  Ryan takes my face in his hands. “You just did the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed. You gave birth to a perfect human being. Right in front of my eyes. You’re not a mess. You’re beautiful.”

  He kisses me on the lips as a doctor and nurse walk by.

  I hear the footsteps stop and a clucking of a tongue.

  “Ms. Childs, you really couldn’t wait fifteen minutes for me to get you?” The nurse reprimands.

  Ryan smiles at me and stands back up. “It’s my fault. I’m the one who made the escape with her.”

  The nurse smiles. “Let’s take you in to get scrubbed up.”

  Too many minutes later, we’re all de-germed and covered in paper gowns, hats, and masks. Ryan wheels me carefully through the ICU to our baby’s side.

  “You can reach in and hold her hand,” the nurse says. “It’d be good for her to have some human contact.

  I pull open the round hole cover and push my gloved hand through. A moment later, I’m touching my baby. “Oh, Ryan,” I whisper, the tears falling fast.

  He crouches again and wraps his arms around me.

  I never want to stop touching her. I never want to leave her side.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  RYAN

  “Can I speak with you outside?”

  I jolt awake when I feel the hand on my shoulder. I blink a few times, delirious as to where I am. It’s still the hospital.

  Still.

  And the doctor is standing next to me; he’s the one who woke me up.

  “Sorry,” he says. He jerks his head towards Hayley. “I didn’t want to wake up Ms. Childs.”

&n
bsp; I nod and stretch, padding out of the room. “What is it? Is the baby okay?” It’s been a week of hospital recovery and we still haven’t named her. I think Hayley is afraid the second we do, she might slip away from us.

  The doctor puts his hands up defensively. “She’s okay. But she’s not great. She could be better. I don’t want you or Ms. Childs to panic.” He pauses and puts his hands together in thought. “There’s a syndrome called failure-to-thrive. We see it in twins sometimes. I think it might be best if you and the baby had some skin-to-skin contact. Hayley shouldn’t be sitting upright for too long. It would be best if you did it.”

  “Anything,” I say. “Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it.” If he had just told me I needed to build a ladder to the moon, I would have started gathering the supplies before he was even finished talking.

  “Great. Follow me,” the doctor says.

  I walk ahead of him to the NICU, wanting to get there as fast as humanly possible. I wash my hands and put on a hat. I start to put on scrubs but the doctor shakes his head. “We’ve moved her to a different section with the older babies. You won’t need a paper jacket. I want you shirtless, actually.”

  I pause and grin, not sure if that’s a joke.

  The doctor waves a hand in the air, clearly embarrassed. “That sounded weird. It’s not that I want you shirtless. Your baby needs as much contact as possible.”

  I nod, understanding at once. We walk into a separate area of the NICU. I see my girl. My baby. My daughter.

  She’s the love of my life.

  But she’s so small. Too small.

  She seems like she’ll shatter if I pick her up.

  The doctor looks at me as if reading my mind. “You won’t hurt her. I’ll help make sure her leads and IV don’t get tangled. Lift her carefully.”

  As if he needed to say that last bit. I’m handling her like she’s a bomb I’m supposed to disarm in the middle of a packed football arena. I pause before I pick her up.

  “I’m supposed to-“ I motion to my shirt.

  He nods and I strip down, feeling awkward. I’ve been shirtless a thousand times, hell – I’ve been totally naked in front of a dozen other men. But this environment isn’t that of a locker room. This place feels sacred.

  But I know I need to do this for her.

  A few minutes later, I’m holding the baby against my chest. We’re both resting in a soft, fabric-covered rocking chair. I feel her warm skin against mine, I smell her baby scent, and I see her perfect lips. She’s perfect. All of her is perfect. She coos against my chest and I nearly melt.

  If the team were here to see this…you know what? Fuck their idea of masculinity. Nothing is manlier than what I’m doing right now.

  I’m saving my daughter’s fucking life.

  “I’ll leave you two here for an hour. There’s a call button right here if you need a nurse. Sometimes you have to hit it twice during the night shift. We’re a little understaffed right now.”

  I nod. “We’ll be fine, just the two of us. I know it.”

  He leaves me behind, the only sound the gentle motion of the rocker and that of the softly beeping monitors on the other babies.

  “Lucy,” I breathe out loud. “Lucy. That’s what we’re calling you.”

  She yawns at my pronouncement.

  That’s good enough for me.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  HAYLEY

  “I really just want to take a shower,” I say to Ryan while he helps me into sweatpants. “Ouch.”

  “Am I hurting you?” he immediately stops putting me into real clothes. I’m finally getting out of hospital gowns after ten days here.

  “No, no. I’m just a little sore and not used to moving this much.” I’m perched on the edge of the bed and using my hands to stabilize myself on his shoulders. He’s helping my legs into the pants. It’s a slow process.

  “Then a shower you will get, my love,” Ryan says.

  My bag is packed and we’re finally ready to leave this grim hospital room. I know I’m somewhat lucky; if I’d had Lucy in the States I wouldn’t have had such great treatment. And that’s to say nothing of the hospital bills I would have racked up over there.

  “You heard from Sandra, yet?” Ryan asks as he pushes me down the hall.

  “No, but I talked to Human Resources. I’m getting to cash in my ten days of sick leave and my two weeks of vacation. That gives me just long enough to get Lucy healthy for us to fly to New York and see where the dust has settled.”

  “And to get you healthy enough,” Ryan points out. “I don’t like the idea of you flying commercially so soon after major surgery. And I really don’t like the idea of Lucy being exposed to all those strangers and germs. Will the doctor even allow it?”

  I sigh dramatically. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

  “Of course, anything you want,” Ryan says back to me.

  We leave the hospital and I see he’s rented a town car. We pause at the door to the car.

  “I don’t want to leave her either,” Ryan replies to my unsaid statement. “But she’s in good hands. We’ll be back here first thing tomorrow morning. You said it yourself: you need a shower. And you need a good night’s rest. You’re never going to get that in a hospital, are you?”

  Ryan’s right.

  The ride home takes us inches and feet and miles away from our baby. Every revolution of the tires makes me feel sicker and sicker.

  “I feel like I left my heart back at the hospital,” I say to Ryan.

  He squeezes me hand. “Me too.”

  Ryan carries me up the stairs at his place. It feels like home to me. The smell of wood polish and Ryan’s cologne lingers in the air.

  Ryan sets me on the bed. “You should walk to the tub when the water’s hot. I’ll help you in, okay?”

  I groan. “I don’t want to walk.”

  “Too bad. You have to. Doctor’s orders,” Ryan says, unpacking my bag for me and putting my clothes into drawers. I swallow hard. This feels so intimate. Such a big step.

  “So you’re basically moving me in with you without consulting me?” I say half-jokingly.

  Ryan stops. “Hayley Childs, will you move in with me?”

  “For the next two weeks, yeah.”

  He shakes his head. “You are so difficult, you know that?”

  “I think that might be why you love me so much,” I reply. I peel off the sweatpants, inching them down my thighs slowly. Ryan has to take them off the rest of the way. He walks ahead of me to turn on the hot water. It’s steaming by the time I make my way to the bathroom; I’m totally naked. I catch a glimpse of my stitches and incision in the mirror and feel dizzy.

  Ryan catches me before I fall over. “You okay?”

  I nod. “Just wasn’t expecting to see my body looking the way it does.”

  He kisses me on the mouth. “Does that revive you? Because honestly, I’d fuck you right now if it wouldn’t hurt you.”

  I blush and bite my lip. “Maybe one more kiss and I’ll be well enough to go into the shower.”

  He kisses me but not on the lips. He takes my breasts into his hands and kisses them both.

  “Down, boy,” I say, but my nubs are standing at hard attention from his caressing.

  “Mm, waiting six weeks for sex will be hard,” he says. He catches the warning look on my face. “But of course I will.” He runs his hands through my dirty hair. “You’re even sexier now that you’ve had my baby, you know that?”

  I roll my eyes pretending not to be flattered by this. But I am flattered by it.

  Ryan helps me into the shower, grabbing my ass while he does so. I feel a warmth between my legs. I wish we could have sex, but I can barely walk. I settle for Ryan washing my hair for me as I try to stand upright under the stream of water, his strong hands massaging soap into my scalp.

  “This is better than sex,” I say as the grime runs off my body. “I mean seriously.”

  Ryan laughs. “I think eve
n I might agree with that after the week you’ve had.”

  He helps me towel off, hands me fresh pajamas, and carries me into bed, tucking the covers around me. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep without Lucy here.”

  Ryan brushes my hair back. “We haven’t really talked since…you know. You came back to London.”

  I blink at him slowly. “I know.”

  “I didn’t know if I could forgive you for what you wrote about me.” He tilts his head to the side. “I mean, what I thought you wrote about me.” He pauses. “But I did read your article. I loved it. Every word of it. I hope you can forgive me for not being there for you that night. The night you went to the hospital to give birth. I’m so sorry, Hayley.”

  It’s my turn to squeeze his hand. “I forgive you.” I take a deep breath. “And I love you.”

  The words are barely out of my mouth before I drift off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  CHAPTER FORTY

  HAYLEY

  “I wish we could come with you,” Ryan says to me the morning I leave for the States. He has five-week-old Lucy wrapped in a baby wrap around his chest.

  I exhale. “I don’t want to think about leaving either one of you.” I zip up my suitcase. I’m finally feeling strong after walks around Hyde Park with Ryan and Lucy the last few days. She finally came home from the hospital. Ryan had a cake delivered in celebration.

  He was so giddy to show it to me. It was covered in Star Wars ephemera including a miniature Millenium Falcon.

  “Alright, I think that’s everything,” I say with false confidence. I’m honestly just trying to hold back tears.

  “I called for a car to take all of us.”

  “You’re coming with me to the airport?” I ask, shocked and happy.

  Ryan kisses me on the lips. “I won’t let us be apart for a second longer than we have to.”

  I’m so caught up during the taxi ride staring out at London that I realize we’re not headed to Heathrow.

  “I think he missed a turn,” I say to Ryan.

  Ryan grins. “Did he?”

  My stomach flutters. “Do you know something that I don’t know?”